Wednesday , 30th September 2009 , 7:40 pm , Paradise Lost
A dastard is stalking me...and the result being that I hate 'myself'......I havent done anything wrong....except get angry with that guy, and i have all rights to be! But I had no right to lose my temper like I did today....n flare at my friends.....They might have provoked me...but how is it thier fault...how could they have known that I was about to burst??
I broke a test tube today. I picked up the pieces with equal calm. Thay dumb guy being our 'sir' came over to ask what happened and Sandeep duly answered. And he hust choried me. I dont mind anything that Sandeep says...it just that I was so fed up with reading all the crap mails...and wanted to thrash that "sir" so much...that even a mere mention had me boiling...Then , I said something similar about him....to whoever that was there..Sandeep was like "Okay...what happened?"...But Yedhu came..he knows everything....maybe he doesnt know how much disturbed I am...I dont blame him...why should he kno...he is this "sir's " frnd know!! ....He smiled his mocking smile.....maybe he didnt mean it to be mocking....but it hurt..I felt like....Wow...what friends I have...real cooperative"....And then he said something...I dont even remember..and I all I remember is my eyes started tearing..anger gripped me from head to toe that I started shivering...and I wanted to vent it out somehwr...all the anger and hatred and disgust...that I took a piece of glass from among the broken test tube and broke it by squeexing it with my hand....Well, I inflicted cuts in my hand..one of which is a bit deep, and bled a lot. To repay for my short temper...to repay for "my" faults..... I was just venting my sadness Lord! I know I am self inflincting...but I've never been so much. That man is ruining my peace....I missed Priyamvada sooo much. There was nobody who understood me...no body!!! I felt so alone...n sooo sad...and still do!!!
Mercy on me God..pls have mercy on me..
I am a lunatic..I am not fit to be wandering out...I feel wretched ...i feel bleak...I feel lost
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